A.async = !0; It creates a hostile work environment. We just believed everything. Enjoy! If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. gads.type = "text/javascript"; I mean, life is tough. "Boy everyone in this country is running around yammering about their fucking rights. window.Mobvious.device_type = 'mobile'; Religion class was always an easy class. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Authors. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. }); If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! [.] In America, anyone can become president. (function() { I sincerely believe that if you think theres a solution, youre part of the problem. q("i", arguments) Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, 15. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. Government is an important institution. if (a[a9]) return; The only country that could invade America is America! googletag.pubads().setTargeting("sid", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. This is what we have to offer. init: function() { George Carlin. "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. They own everything. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. Electricity is really just organized lightning. Period. The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("gr_author", "false"); They own all the important land. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. American It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. He loves you and he needs money. Quotes. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. var ue_mid = "A1PQBFHBHS6YH1"; Use your fucking heads! We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. } Theres no present. I love individuals. 5. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. I hate groups of people. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Ever. A.src = t; googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); He's the subject of a new documentary. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals. The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Teach them to question everything. }, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readteach them to question everything that they readteach them to question everything. George Carlin, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. They own you. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 3. Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. Really? I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. " George Carlin 15. When you die, it all stays here. You should die first, get it out of the way. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. In his 50-year career as one of Americas most poignant and provocative social critics, the irreverent actor, author and comedian left no sacred cow unsinged as he took to lobbing one grenade after the next into the comfort zones of American life. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. All rights reserved. .__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.authorModuleDropdownMenu{width:180px;border-left:1px solid #D8D8D8;border-right:1px solid #D8D8D8;border-top:1px solid #D8D8D8}.authorModuleDropdownMenu__dropdownLink,.authorModuleDropdownMenu__dropdownLink:hover{display:block;text-align:left;padding:12px;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", "Helvetica", sans-serif;font-size:14px;color:#000000;cursor:pointer}#authorInfo{display:-webkit-box;display:-moz-box;display:-ms-box;display:box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-moz-flex;display:-ms-flex;display:flex;padding:10px 10px 5px 10px}#authorInfo .authorInfoGroup{-webkit-box-flex:1;-moz-box-flex:1;-ms-box-flex:1;box-flex:1}#authorInfo .authorPhotoGroup{-webkit-box-flex:0;-moz-box-flex:0;-ms-box-flex:0;box-flex:0;margin-right:10px}#authorInfo .authorFollow{display:flex}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer{border-radius:3px;border:1px solid #D6D0C4;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", "Helvetica", sans-serif;font-size:14px;-moz-appearance:none;-o-appearance:none;-webkit-appearance:none;appearance:none;cursor:pointer;display:inline-block;text-decoration:none;color:#333333;background-color:#F4F1EA;line-height:1;padding:8px 12px;font-size:16px;padding:12px 24px;box-sizing:border-box;text-align:center;margin-left:0px;padding:0px;min-width:38px;height:32px;background-image:url(/assets/down-caret.png);background-repeat:no-repeat;background-position:center;float:right}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:disabled{border-color:#DDDDDD}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:hover{color:#333333;background-color:#ede6d6;text-decoration:none}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:active{background-color:#D6D0C4}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:disabled{background-color:#F3F3F3;color:#cccccc}@media (max-width: 540px){#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer{min-width:20px;width:27px}}#authorBooks{*zoom:1}#authorBooks:after{content:"";display:table;clear:both}#authorBooks .sectionTitle{border-top:1px solid #CCCCCC;padding:10px 10px 0 10px;margin:0}.accordionContent{padding:0 10px}.authorBio{padding:0 10px;margin-bottom:10px}.authorBooksMeta{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;padding:0 10px}.authorBooksMeta a{color:#00635D}.authorBooksTotalReviewCount:before,.authorBooksTotalRatingCount:before{content:"\00b7"}.authorDetailsList dt,.authorDetailsList dd{display:inline;margin:0}.authorDetailsList dd:after{content:'\A';white-space:pre}.authorDetailsList dt{font-weight:bold}.authorDetailsList dd{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;margin-bottom:15px}.authorDetailsList dd a{color:#00635D}.authorSimilarAuthorsLink{padding:0 10px}.authorDistinctWorksLink{padding:0 10px;display:block;margin-bottom:10px}.authorFansLink{font-weight:bold}.authorInterviewsList{list-style-type:none;margin:0;padding:0}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterview{margin-bottom:15px}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterviewAt{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterviewAt a{color:#00635D}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterviewTitle{display:block}.authorName{margin-bottom:10px}.authorShortBio{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif}.authorShortBio a{color:#00635D}.authorQuotesLink{margin-bottom:15px}.quotesList{border-top:1px solid #CCCCCC;margin-top:15px}.quotesPage{margin-left:10px}.noQuotes{margin-top:15px} Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. It seems only right. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. George Carlin 'Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.' Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. Just daydreaming. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. Resources. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And fight songs. stylesheet.href = url; I look at war a little. "https:" : "http:") + Some people see things that are and ask, Why? I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Stand-Up Comedy. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read.Teach them to question everything.George Carlin, How can He be perfect? Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. 2023 Inspirationfeed. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want.
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